


Falling Together, Falling Apart

by kcracken



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First Time, Forbidden Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-11 19:05:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/802129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcracken/pseuds/kcracken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily Evans learns several secrets about Remus Lupin. (if you believe that Lily's world revolves around James, I would advise you not to read this)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Found

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written in 2006. It was quite the challenge. I hope you enjoy it.

Lily Evans hated having Herbology first thing in the morning. What a way to start a day. At least she enjoyed the company in class. Frank Longbottom was an expert at Herbology and was always great fun. As she was walking across the grounds towards the greenhouses, she heard a noise nearby. It sounded like a groan. Looking towards the woods, she saw a figure lying on the ground.

She rushed over to find a man lying face down trying to crawl towards the castle. His cloak was tattered and he looked hurt. "Sir, is there anything I can do to help?" she asked as she bent by his side.

Remus Lupin looked up into Lily's green orbs. "Go 'way, Lil," he groaned as he tried repeatedly to push himself up.

"Remus!" she said in shock as she helped him to his feet. His robes were torn to shreds and he had bleeding cuts all over him. "I'll take you to Madam Pomfrey immediately."

He let a tired and pained smile cross his features. "It wouldn't do for the Head Girl to miss class, Lily. Go on. I can make it." To prove his point, he took a step forward and immediately collapsed to the ground. "Okay, maybe I can't."

She helped him up again, her lips pursed in thought. "Where are James, Sirius and Peter? What were you doing in the Forbidden Forest?"

"Sirius was right, you are nosy," he replied with a sigh. "It's a long and complicated story that I really can't tell you right now because if I don't move soon, I'm going to pass out."

She realized that he must have a concussion and began walking with his arm over her shoulder. "For Heaven's sake, Remus," she whispered to herself. "What did you do to yourself?" He didn't reply and they walked in silence up the back stairs to the hospital. 

Madam Pomfrey's eyes widened as she saw the small girl supporting the taller boy into her infirmary. She didn't say a word, but showed Lily to one of the private rooms. Bringing in a tray of cleaning solutions, she began to clear the wounds of dirt and bandage them. She noticed Lily was still standing in the room watching. "You may leave now, Miss Evans," she said. "He is in good hands."

"Yes, ma'am," Lily replied as she backed towards the door. She'd never seen Remus look so frail before. His poor body looked like he had nearly been beaten to death. She watched him wince as the Matron cleaned one of the deeper cuts. 

"Lily?" he hissed through his teeth as the full pain began to sink in. She had the door open and turned at his voice. "Thanks."

She smiled and nodded before slipping out and heading back to class. She'd done a good deed today. Her mind wondered where the others had been. None of them had been in class all morning. The first she saw of them was at lunch. All three looked very haggard and tired. She wondered where they had been and what they had been doing. But even though she was curious, she couldn't bring herself to ask.

 

 

Lily went to visit Remus before dinner. He was sitting up working on his Defence homework when she arrived. She smiled, glad to see him looking much more like himself. "Hi," she said almost timidly as she poked her head in the door.

He lifted his eyes from his book and smiled. "Hello, Lily," he greeted amicably. "Come in." He closed the book and sat it beside him on the bed.

She moved over to the chair that had been pulled up to the side of the bed. It was still warm from where someone had been in it for quite a while. "James just left," he explained. "I'm glad you stopped by."

She blushed slightly, thinking of James. "I was just checking to make sure you were okay. You gave me quite a fright this morning."

It was Remus' turn to blush. "I'm quite sorry about that. You should have gone back to class, but I'm actually glad you didn't."

She looked at his hand which was lying beside him on the bed. There were miniscule cuts and scars across his long, slender fingers. On impulse, she reached out and placed her hand on top of his. He flinched momentarily before relaxing. "Will you ever tell me what happened?" She wanted to know why he was lying there battered and bruised, and why his friends weren't there for him.

"Maybe one day," he replied softly. He turned his hand over to grasp hers, squeezing slightly. "I promise you I am okay."

"You're still my friend, Remus," she said looking up into his eyes. "I wish you had been Head Boy."

He shrugged and gripped her hand tighter. "So do I, but there must be a reason for it." He looked into her dark green eyes, realizing they were so beautiful, like the summer grass swaying in the wind. He could see how much she cared for him in them. 

For six years they had been friends, despite many attempts from Sirius and James to ruin it. Lily had always been there when Remus needed her, like when his mother died. He had always been there for her, like when her parents were killed in an automobile accident. They knew each other well, but they both had deep, dark secrets they never could tell each other.

Lily moved her free hand to trace the scars on his hand and arm. She saw the skin jump at her touch. His eyes carried a darkness that was almost frightening. If she hadn't known him, she might have been afraid. "So," she started while still running her finger lightly over his skin, "did you think that the full moon would keep you safe in the forest last night?" She laughed lightly, nervously, hoping he'd say he hadn't been there.

Remus' entire body stiffened in fear. Just what was she getting to? Did she know? No, there was no way. He let himself chuckle along with her. "No. I was just following the others, as always."

She smiled. "The Marauders out for some plunder, eh?"

"As always," he repeated. He reached his other hand over to take the one tracing his scars. "Please don't do that," he begged softly.

"Why?" she asked, looking down at their hands.

"It's just..." He couldn't finish the sentence. Suddenly he wanted to tell her everything, but he couldn't hurt her like that. _One more year, Lupin. One more year and then it will be all over. You won't have to lie to them again_. "I hate being reminded of how clumsy I am." It wasn't a lie, just a half-truth. Remus was rather clumsy.

"If you weren't clumsy, you wouldn't be Remus Lupin," she announced matter-of-factly. Standing up, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I best get to dinner. You take care and I'll come check on you when I make my rounds."

Remus' cheeks flushed. "You really don't have to do that," he protested. Sighing at the stern, motherly look she gave him, he smiled. "Oh, all right. I can't say 'no' to such a beautiful face."

A smile brightened her face and she winked at him as she opened the door. "Smooth talker. Flattery will get you everywhere."

 

"Bloody hell, I thought you were my mate!" James pushed Remus into the wall. The other boy fell hard against the stone, bumping his head. Sirius stood off to the side watching. He wasn't quite sure what had gotten into James, but the boy was furious.

"I thought I was too," Remus replied while rubbing the back of his head. "What are you going on about?"

"This." James presented him with a piece of parchment. On it, written in Lily's flowing script, was a note to Remus asking him to meet her on the seventh floor that night at six.

Remus snatched the paper from his hand and stuffed it into his bag. "She's tutoring me in Potions, James. You know that."

"And you know how I feel about her." James pulled his clenched hand back to punch Remus, but Sirius grabbed his arm. "Let go, Padfoot," he growled. "It's high time I taught Moony a lesson."

"James." Sirius' voice was steady and forceful. It wasn't like him to be the level-headed one of the group, but the moment required it. "You're overreacting."

"She's meeting him outside the Room of Requirement, Sirius!" James couldn't stop the tears beginning to fall down his face. "You know what that means."

"It means they are going to study Potions, Prongs. It's not like they can just go use Slughorn's classroom. Well, it is, because Lils is one of Sluggy's favorites, but it might be that she already knows someone else will be in there. The Room of Requirement is the only other place where they can have a full Potions lab."

Remus blinked in shock as he looked at Sirius. For once, Padfoot was speaking logically. Thankfully, what he said was calming James down. He watched his other friend's shoulders slump in defeat. "I just..." James sighed. "I want her to know how I feel. I want her to return my feelings, just once. She's always going off with other boys."

Remus placed a hand on James' shoulder. "She's doing it to make you jealous, Prongs. Think about it. She always tells you what she's doing. That means she likes you."

He sniffled and looked up at the slightly taller boy, "You really think so?"

"He's right, mate," Sirius agreed. "She really does like you. Now, come on, let's get to practice. Wouldn't do for the captain to be late to Quidditch practice, now would it?"

After they left, Remus leaned against the wall and breathed a sigh of relief. He was so glad that neither of his friends was skilled at Legilimens. His heart rate, which had been exponentially quick, was slowly returning to normal. He closed his eyes and calmed himself. This was something he feared, that James would find out how he felt about Lily. 

 

He arrived a few minutes before six to find Lily sitting on a bench in the hallway. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a rather low-cut blouse, while he was wearing his typical brown slacks and a white oxford. The door was already visible and she smiled and stood as he approached. "Ah, you're early," she said. "Good. Shall we?" She motioned towards the door as it opened.

The room was, as predicted, almost identical to Professor Slughorn's classroom, except a bit more spacious. A table sat in the middle with a cauldron and several books upon it. Next to that was another table with sandwiches, fruit and a pitcher of juice. Lily noticed Remus looking curiously at the other table. "Just in case we get hungry," she answered his unasked question. "I couldn't just let you starve, now could I?"

They quickly dove into their work. Lily was the ever-patient teacher, helping Remus with the potions. She would remind him of small details he would overlook. He always smiled his thanks, knowing if she hadn't told him, his potion would be ruined.

Lily began looking over the ingredients she had spread across the table while Remus stirred the cauldron. "Oh, dear. I've forgotten to get out the ground moonstone."

"I'll get it." He had just finished the requisite amount of stirs and moved over to the ingredient cabinet that sat at the side of the room. For some reason, the cabinet was shaking slightly. Brow furrowed, he opened the door and immediately jumped back. A wispy creature popped out of the cabinet and looked at him. Within a heartbeat, it changed into a bright, full moon. He reached for his wand and suddenly realized he'd left it on the table. " _Accio wand_ ," he said calmly.

Lily looked up and watched the walnut wand fly across the room into his waiting hand. She wondered what was happening when she saw the orb above his head.

" _Riddikulus_." The moon turned into a smiling face and suddenly popped, flying back into the cabinet. He grabbed the moonstone before slamming the doors shut. Turning back to Lily, he smiled, pointing at the cabinet. "Boggart. Nasty creatures, those."

"It's a good thing you're so adept at Defence." She smiled. Inwardly she was wondering just what she had seen. Boggarts changed into a Wizard's greatest fear. Why was Remus so afraid of the full moon?

She was distracted as they finished up the Calming potion. Her mind just could not stop thinking about the form the Boggart had taken in front of Remus. She looked over at him, at the scars that criss-crossed his arms and face. Did they cover his entire body? For some reason, that question became an overwhelming desire. She took a step back from the table, gasping for air.

Remus looked up at her with concern in his eyes. "Are you okay?" He reached towards her to catch her in case she fell. His hand grasped her wrist where she wore a silver bracelet. Quickly, he pulled his hand back, hissing in pain. As soon as it had happened, he realized his mistake and covered the incident by holding his wrist.

Her eyes snapped back to the present and looked at him in horror. He had touched her bracelet and pulled away. It was silver and he was afraid of the full moon. Bringing a hand up to her face, she rubbed it wearily. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry. I just got a little dizzy. Is your hand okay?"

"Yes, it's just sore from the other day," he replied quickly, passing it off as nothing.

They returned to the potion. Lily stared into the cauldron hoping for some insight to what was going through her mind. "Is there something you want to tell me?" she asked softly, finally breeching the subject.

His heart began to thump heavily in his chest. "What do you mean?"

She picked up a vial and began filling it with the potion. "I saw the Boggart, Remus. And I know you touched my bracelet." Finally, she looked up into his eyes as she stoppered the vial. "It changes nothing between us, Remus. Even I have secrets."

Remus sat heavily in the chair behind him and brought his hands to his face. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way," he whispered. "Nobody is supposed to know."

"Except James, Sirius and Peter," she finished. "They know. They go with you every month, don't they?" She let out a slight laugh. "I've always wondered where they were off to on those nights. I tried following them once, but James just steered me back to the dorm. I can't believe I let him do that."

She wandered around the table and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm your friend, Remus. I'm sorry I had to find out this way too, but I understand. That's why you looked so beaten that morning. But, where were the others?"

"Chasing off Voldemort followers," he replied softly. "We were out in the forest and came across them. James said I went crazy, baring my teeth and growling. Sirius tried to herd me away while James and Peter went to check it out." He couldn't believe he was actually telling her this, but as always, he felt at ease with Lily. Everything just poured out. "The sun was beginning to rise anyway. I burst through the clearing and attacked."

She conjured a chair beside him and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Oh, Remus, I'm so sorry." She slid her arms through his and pulled him closer.

The faint smell of lavender assaulted his senses. He turned his head slightly to see her silky red hair. Inhaling, he realized the scent came from her shampoo. It was intoxicating; she was intoxicating. She was gripping his arm tightly and he felt a stirring within him. "Lily," he breathed, his heart threatening to pound out of his chest. He was shaking, unable to move.

She felt him stiffen and sensed his fear. She didn't want him to be afraid of her. All she wanted was for him to relax and be himself. She let go of his arm and turned her head to face him, brushing her hair back over her shoulder. Looking at him with her deep, green eyes, she tried to find her friend, not the frightened young boy he was acting like. 

The simple movement of her flipping her hair back sent his heart into overdrive. He had to do something; anything to calm down. It was risky, but it was his last resort. Leaning towards her, he gently placed his lips against hers. He saw her eyes widen at first and then soften. The kiss was tentative at first. She moved a hand along his shoulder and up into his hair as she deepened it, pulling him closer.

Like all good things, it came to an end, much too soon for either one of them. They pulled back and Remus licked his lips. Her lingering taste was eccentric. It sent shivers through his entire body. "That..." his voice cracked.

She smiled, giggling lightly. "Yes, that was quite amazing." She leaned her forehead against his and sighed deeply. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to do that."

He let a moment of silence pass between them. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that." He reached up to caress her face and look into her beautiful eyes. After a few more minutes, he finally pulled away. "I'm sorry. This can't happen. Especially now that you know..." His voice trailed off and he stood.

Lily looked up at him, confused by his words. "What does that matter? I care about you, Remus. At least think it over, please."

He sighed; she didn't understand the consequences. But he could never say 'no' to Lily Evans. "Okay. I'll consider it."

A soft smile crossed her lips. "Good." She stood and kissed his cheek. "Now, I suppose we best get back to the dorm. I'm sure James and Sirius will be awaiting your return with great expectation."

He chuckled as he gathered up his books. Waiting for her by the door, he looked at her in all seriousness. "This goes nowhere, right?"

She looked up at him, slightly shocked that he would even ask. "Thankfully these walls can't talk," she smirked, looking around the room. Turning back to him, she smiled. "I promise I will tell no one."


	2. Trapped!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily pulls Remus into an empty classroom.

The next full moon was approaching steadily. Remus was nervous since Lily now knew and he was sure she would worry. He avoided her as much as possible due to other, more personal reasons. As he headed towards the library to work on his homework, he found himself pulled into an empty classroom.

The door closed and locked. He was pushed against the wall and soft lips pressed against his. He looked to see a shock of red hair before him. At first he responded, leaning into the kiss. Heat coursed through his body and desire flowed through him. His mind finally snapped back into reality. "No, Lily," he moaned as he pushed her away.

She stepped back and pouted. "Do you not like me anymore?" she cried. Her eyes began to fill with tears.

His face softened and he immediately regretted what he had done. "I'm sorry."

The tears disappeared from her eyes and she smiled, stepping closer. Her hands ran down his chest and she leaned forward to kiss him. "Good," she whispered.

He quickly pushed her away again. "Lily, I can't."

"And why not?" she huffed. "The others are at Quidditch practice. You've nothing to worry about."

"Because I just can't." He held her at arm’s length. "You don't understand."

"Then explain." She put her hands on her hips, looking quite sexy, he had to admit.

He sighed, hating to have to explain to her, especially this. It wasn't a comfortable subject for him. "I can't, Lily. The full moon is in three days," he begged her to understand without him having to explain fully.

"That's not an answer, Remus." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him sternly. 

He sighed again and looked at the floor. If she didn't stop posing so seductively, he was not going to be responsible for his actions. "Lily, please." His voice was soft and he refused to look at her.

It was her turn to sigh. "I don't understand you sometimes," she admitted. She leaned forward to kiss his cheek, pressing her body against his. "I'll let you get to wherever you were going."

He inhaled, the worst possible thing he could do at a time like this. She smelled of flowers and... She smelled _very_ feminine. He couldn't control his hands as they slid around her waist, pulling her closer. Burying his face in her shoulder, he breathed in her scent. It called to him, no, not him, to the animal within. He began to kiss and nibble along her neck.

Lily let out a soft moan as her head fell back and she bared her neck for him. "Oh Remus," she gasped as her hands found purchase in his hair. 

Her body only encouraged him to go further. She was wearing her usual school uniform, an oxford shirt and black skirt. As always, her shirt was untucked, much to his glee. He slid his hands down to her bottom and then up under her shirt. Her skin was so soft under his fingers. He pulled her closer, her chest pressing against his.

Her breathing was labored and her heart beat quickly. She ran her hands through his hair and moaned his name over and over. Nobody had ever made her feel this way before. She felt his large, soft hands on her bare skin and shivered. This was exactly what she wanted.

Suddenly, he pulled away from her and moved to the other side of the room, putting as much distance between them as possible. She placed her hands on the wall where he had been and leaned her forehead against the cool stone. She had already conquered half of the Marauders, why wouldn't he let her make him happy. 

The sag of her shoulders told him that he was going to have to explain, even though he didn't want to. "It's not you, Lily," he said hurriedly. "It's me... well, not me per say, but the wolf. He's taking control already, especially my hormones. I can't trust myself."

She listened to him, understanding finally dawning. He was being the dashing, honorable young man she had always known. Unmoving, she smiled.

"I don't want to hurt you." His voice sounded small and defenseless.

Finally, she turned around and leaned against the wall. "I know," she said with her eyes closed. "I'm sorry."

He started easing his way towards the door, unlocking it with a small wave of his wand. "No, I'm sorry. Maybe next week will be better. I... I have to go now." He grabbed his bag, and slipped through the door out of the room.

Lily sighed in frustration and slid down the wall. "I swear you'll be the death of me, Remus Lupin," she muttered. 

 

Remus felt the urge to run. His heart was thumping hard against his chest and his breaths were quick and short. Rounding the corner, he suddenly found himself falling to the floor. He'd tripped over something. As he gathered himself, he turned around and looked up into Peter's face. His small, portly friend was looking down at him with disdain, his arms crossed firmly over his chest.

"Sorry about that, Pete," he said as he looked around for his scattered books.

"I can't believe what you've done." Peter shook his head in astonishment. "Have you not thought about James?"

"What?" Remus was completely befuddled. What was he going on about?

"I never expected when Sirius asked me to follow you that..."

"Sirius did what?"

Peter rolled his eyes, a very un-Peter thing to do. "I always listen to you, Remus, and never interrupt. It's rude."

He was completely taken aback by his friend's attitude. Where had Peter suddenly gotten a spine? "I'm sorry. Please do go on." He sighed deeply. 

"Now where was I?" he pondered, tapping his lips with his finger. "Ah yes, Sirius asked me to follow you when he couldn't. I didn't know why he wanted me to do that, but I believe I do now. You know how much James likes Lily."

Remus blinked in amazement. How did Sirius know? How long had he been following him around? Many questions flooded his mind. "Peter, it's not what you think, trust me."

"It's not?" His eyes widened in false shock then quickly narrowed. "Then how come you were just in an empty classroom with her, alone."

He ran a hand over his tired face. He could feel the wolf struggling to get out. Forcing it back down, he sighed and looked up at Peter. "I was in there because _she_ forced me inside. Come now, you know how persuasive Lily is."

Peter suddenly blushed. He really did know Lily rather well, much more than anyone knew. She had been the first girl he'd ever kissed. Lily Evans had taught him everything about girls and for that he had been eternally grateful. "Er, um," he stuttered. "Yes, she is rather forthcoming. Okay, I'll tell Sirius she seduced you, but you've got to promise it will never happen again."

Remus pulled himself to his feet and leaned against the wall. "You know I can't do that, Peter. I told you it wasn't my fault."

The shorter boy was flustered, back to normal. "Oh, well... I've still got to tell Sirius something. I can't keep a secret from him. You know that."

"Tell him that Lily was the culprit if you have to tell him anything at all," Remus sighed. "I'll talk to him, but right now isn't the best time what with the full moon coming and all."

"Quite right. I suppose that will do."

He smiled down at his friend. "Thanks, Peter. Now come on. I need to get to the library." As they walked, he glanced back down the corridor, wondering what Lily was doing now. Sometimes he hated being the responsible one. Sometimes he really wished he could let go and be what he wanted. With a sigh, he lowered his head and followed Peter up the stairs, back to his mundane life.


	3. Giving In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a drunken row with the rest of the Marauders, Remus gives in to temptation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to change the rating because I forgot how descriptive this chapter is.

The Saturday after the full moon was the first Quidditch match of the year, Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff. As always, James led his team, scoring fifteen goals and assisting the Seeker in catching the Snitch. Because of the astounding win, Sirius, Peter and Remus treated him to a night out in Hogsmeade.

"You were absolutely brilliant today," Sirius said as they walked into the Three Broomsticks. He smiled and waved at Madam Rosmerta, the proprietor of the bar.

She returned his smile and brought four drinks over to their table. "My, you boys are here early this evening," she smiled.

"We're celebrating," Peter piped up. "But please don't tell the Headmaster."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek, giving him, and the rest of the boys, full view of her cleavage. "Only for you, Mr. Pettigrew." She winked towards the others as Peter blushed profusely. "If I had to guess, I'd say Gryffindor won the match today."

"Behind James' spectacular performance," Sirius replied proudly, slapping James' back for the um-teenth time. "He scored fifteen goals."

Her smile brightened considerably. "Congratulations are in order then. The first three rounds are on the house."

He and James let out a whoop of joy as they lifted their mugs. "To Madam Rosmerta: Long may she remain the best looking woman in all of Hogsmeade."

"Hear, hear," James agreed.

"Even I will agree to that," Remus grinned as he picked up his mug.

"Me, too!" Peter chimed in. "To Madam Rosmerta!"

They clinked their mugs and downed the drinks.

 

Ten rounds later, Peter had his head resting on the table sleepily while the others were wide awake. "D'you know who the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts is?" a very intoxicated James asked.

"Lily Evans," Sirius replied sarcastically with a roll of his eyes.

"Lily Evans," he said with a smile as he held up his glass.

"I agree," Remus added with a goofy grin on his face. "And she's a bloody good kisser, too."

"Yes, she..." James stopped mid sentence and looked at his friend in confusion. "What?"

"And she smells like flowers."

Sirius' eyes cut between the two. Remus looked oblivious to the fire blazing in James' eyes. He pushed his chair back slightly from the table. If something bad happened, he would have to take care of the situation. Unfortunately, his mind was just a bit hazy from the alcohol.

"You didn't." James' anger seethed through his drunkenness, the butterbeer only strengthening it.

"Do what?" Remus asked in confusion.

The other boy threw himself at Remus, knocking him out of his chair, and began punching his face with a curled fist. "You lied! You said you were only studying!"

Remus slowly pulled his arms up, trying to block the powerful blows coming from his friend. He didn't fight back because he realized he deserved this. James had every right to beat him to a bloody pulp. He _had_ lied. All of it was lies. He had feelings for Lily and she seemed to return them. He had turned on his friends.

Sirius watched them with growing concern. Remus was just lying there letting James pummel him. His brain tried to fight through the alcoholic haze. Slowly, he set the mug in his hand on the table before him.

Over and over, James pulled his hand back and punched Remus. He was so angry. Remus knew how he felt about Lily. How could he? He had betrayed him.

"Her lips taste like strawberries."

Everything stopped. James' hand hung in the air and Sirius was half out of his chair. They both looked at Peter in shock.

"They do!" he insisted. "She uses this really tasty lip gloss."

Sirius asked the question on everyone's mind. "How do you know this, Wormtail?"

Peter smiled, his eyes glassy from being quite intoxicated. "Because I've kissed her before."

Silence hung between them. Remus looked up at the shock dawning on James' face. He could hear his heart beating in his chest. He could see the corners of Sirius' mouth curling up in a smile. Even James had relaxed and let him go, yet he couldn't let go of the fact that he had betrayed his only friends.

Padfoot couldn't stop himself when he burst out laughing. Soon, James joined him. James stood and held a hand down to Remus. "I'm sorry, mate. I didn't realize..."

Remus looked up, staring at James' hand. His body hadn't even recovered from his transformation and his friend had hit him, all over a silly girl. Peter just admitted he'd kissed her and now everything was fine? He didn't think so. Pushing himself up, he grabbed his cloak and stormed from the Three Broomsticks. He was hurting, physically and mentally. He needed some time alone.

The others just watched him leave. No one even suspected what was going through Remus' mind. They had no idea how hurt he really was.

 

The bottle of Firewhisky they had stored in the shack was still there, though it was already half empty. Remus didn't care. He picked it up and took a deep swig. It burned down his throat, both inside and out where it had dribbled from his lips and across the scrapes still on his neck, left over from his transformation. He wiped his sleeve across his mouth and walked unsteadily through the tunnel that led beneath the Whomping Willow.

Thankfully, he stumbled and leaned against the knot in the tree that caused it to freeze momentarily. His mind was so fuzzy that he hadn't even remembered doing it. He walked a very crooked line towards the castle as he continued to down the contents of the bottle to the secret entrance he'd used often. As the hidden door slid open, it revealed a very caring and worried face. He blinked, trying to clear his vision. "L... Lily? Wha' 'er you doin' 'ere?" He began to sway, threatening to fall.

She reached out to steady him, leaning against the wall when his weight collapsed on her. "What happened to you, Remus?" she asked with genuine concern.

"'m a bloody friend traitor, tha's wha' 'appen'." His eyes couldn't focus. He saw four, no five, of the beautiful redhead before him. He lifted the bottle to his lips and upturned it. "Damn thing's empty," he complained and threw it against the wall. It shattered, spraying glass everywhere.

"Damnit, Remus." Lily growled as several shards cut across their arms and faces. "Come on, I need to get you somewhere safe." She dragged the taller and considerably heavy boy through the passageway and up to the Room of Requirement. Propping him against the wall, she walked past three times to make the door appear.

Helping him inside, she took note of exactly where the medicines and bandages she had requested were sitting and moved him over to the large bed. Hefting him up to lay down, she moved to get the cleaning solution. 

Remus reached out and grabbed her arm before she could go too far. She turned around to face him and he lifted his hand to her face. "You are so beautiful," he said, his face full of sorrow. "I love you so much, but so does James. How can I betray him like this?"

She leaned into his hand and kissed his fingers. "You've betrayed no one, Remus," she said softly, moving her hand to caress the hand that was on her face. "You've confessed to me and James doesn't have the guts to do that himself."

A soft smile came to his face. "But I'm drunk."

She giggled. "Perhaps, but that loosens inhibitions."

He nodded and without a word, pulled her down and kissed her deeply, fully, with every ounce of passion within him. She sighed happily, glad that he had finally relaxed. He stank of butterbeer and Firewhisky, but at least he was giving in to his desires. That was all she asked.

"You taste like strawberries and smell like flowers."

She grinned down at him. "You taste like alcohol and smell like... like..." How did he smell? Very masculine, a heady odor that drew her to him. "…A man."

Remus ignored his pain and slid over on the bed, pulling her in beside him. His mouth searched hers, his tongue playing across her lips. Her own tongue pulled his into her mouth as they kissed. He wrapped his arms around her to hold her close. His lips traveled across her cheek, tasting blood, but it didn't register. He nibbled her ear. "God, Lily, this is so wrong, but it feels so right," he whispered, his breathing heavy and labored. His heart was thundering in his chest.

"Stick with the feeling, Remus," she told him, her own breath coming in shorter gasps. His hands were roaming all over her, touching her in very sensitive places so gently that she thought she was going to explode. 

His hands reached the belt of her robe and untied it. He slid his hands up her front, pushing the material from her shoulders. Looking down, he saw she was wearing a white blouse with nothing underneath. He moved a hand down along her chest, brushing across her breasts enticingly.

She moaned as his hands caressed her. Pushing his robes aside, she began to unbutton his shirt, kissing down along his chest. He moaned her name and she smiled. With every button she undid, she kissed more skin. She trailed her tongue along the scars on his chest, moving towards his nipple. His back arched as she wrapped her tongue around it.

Remus' mind was in a haze, but his body knew exactly what was happening. His hands gripped the sheets on the bed. He could feel that his wrist was either badly sprained or broken from taking James' hits, but he didn't care. Each of her kisses was healing him, inside and out.

Lily's hands and lips caressed his skin. She wanted to show him what it was like to be with a woman, to be loved and cared for. He always seemed so lonely and she now knew why. He was afraid of himself, more so than anyone else. She wanted to show him he could let go and enjoy himself. The muscles of his stomach rippled as she lightly trailed her hands down to his trousers, following with her mouth.

This was too much. He grasped her shoulders and bodily pulled her up to him, kissing her deeply. The wolf was gaining control. He wanted her. She would make a perfect alpha female. He pulled at her shirt, ripping off the buttons and ruining it as he threw it to the floor. Her skin felt so soft as he trailed his fingers along her perfect back. He could feel her body reacting to his touch.

She gasped at his sudden take-control attitude. His eyes looked focused now, but she could still see a slight haze from the alcohol. She let her own hands play across his sunken chest. She had never realized how underfed he seemed. Perhaps it was because of what he was that he could not keep any weight on. Or perhaps it was because of all that had happened in his life. He'd lost so much and so many people. The feeling of her skirt and panties being pushed over her hips brought her back to the present.

The wolf had full control and was desperately trying to remove all material so he could feel her naked body against his own. He deftly unbuttoned her skirt and slid it and her knickers down her legs, letting his hands caress her hips. A smile came to his lips as she began to remove his trousers. Soon, they were both nude and entwined their bodies together. He buried his face in her neck, kissing and nipping the tender skin. Her body was so warm and inviting against his.

Her head fell back and she moaned, exposing her neck for him. She'd never felt such passion before. It was raw and uninhibited. She wondered if he actually felt love for her and not just lust. If there was one thing she did not want to do, it was break his heart. 

He kissed down her cleavage and across her breast to her nipple. His tongue flicked across the sensitive nub, causing her to moan louder. He loved that sound and wanted to entice more from her. His mouth enveloped as much of her breast as possible. He lathed it with his tongue, wrapping around her nipple and gently tugging on it. 

She gasped at the sensations he was causing her. It wasn't like this hadn't happened before, but there was something different. Her hands entangled in his hair, pushing him against her chest. She pressed her body against him, her hips undulating towards him. She wanted him so badly.

He rolled her over onto her back and used his knee to part her legs. Lifting his head, he looked down and saw her hair splayed on the pillow like a halo. She looked so angelic, so pure. He slid into her slowly, not wanting to hurt her, and was surprised when her hips thrust upward, impaling him deep within. They moaned in unison, the sound filling the room. Now the look in her eyes was one of utter lust. Her hands grasped at his back as they moved in perfect unison.

His heart thumped in his chest and his breathing was labored. A low growl emanated from his throat as he kissed her hungrily. 

Lily had never felt such freedom before. Remus truly was a wild animal deep down inside, but he controlled it well. He was in charge, and for once, she didn't mind it at all.

Remus felt something billowing in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't a bad feeling; actually it felt pretty good. It started to expand further and further until it consumed him. His mind was in a fog; all he could sense was her. 

She felt it, too, that unbridled lust that only a joining of this kind could bring. Her legs tightened around him as her orgasm began to peak. She arched her back, her muscles contracting and pulling him in as deep as she could. Her mouth was open, yet she could not vocalize her feelings. They were that intense.

Finally, their bodies collapsed in a heap on the bed, spent and tired, a sheen of sweat coating their skin. Remus rolled over on his back, looking at the ceiling while trying to calm his heartbeat and breathing. He had regained his senses and suddenly realized what he had done. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

Lily rolled towards him, resting her head on his chest. "For what?"

"I shouldn't have done that." He felt so guilty. He'd not only betrayed James, but now he had betrayed Lily. 

She propped herself up on an elbow and looked into his eyes. They were vacant and sad. "Yes," she stated flatly. "You should have done that. You needed to do that, Remus. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. It was mutual and the best I've ever had."

He turned to face her, his eyes wide in shock. How could she be so flippant about this? "Stop it, Remus," she told him as she leaned down to kiss him. "I'm the one who seduced you." She put her head back down against his shoulder. 

He brought his arm up around her. Perhaps this wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe, just maybe he could relax a bit for a while. Just a little while. He bent his head to kiss the crown of hers. "Thank you."

She didn't say anything. She just smiled and snuggled up against him. It wasn't long before they both fell into a deep, satisfying, dream-filled sleep.


	4. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Remus handle waking up in someone's arms?

Remus awoke slowly. There was something very warm and soft against his back. An arm was draped over his waist. Blinking to clear the sleep from his eyes, he opened them, only to hiss in pain and shut them tight. A bright light shone in the room and now his head was throbbing. Just how much had he drunk the previous night? His mind was quite hazy, not giving him any details.

The body beside him moved slightly and moaned. The light scent of lavender assaulted his nose and he knew who it was. Sitting bolt upright in the bed, ignoring the fact that his brain felt like it was going to explode, he opened one eye to see a very startled Lily waking up. He scrambled off the bed, covering himself with the quilt he was yanking as he moved. The sheets clung to her form, showing him every curve of her body. He quickly willed himself control, but failed.

Lily sat up, the sheet falling to her waist and exposing her nakedness. "What's wrong?" she asked as a yawn escaped her lips.

Remus whimpered like a whipped dog. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away. "Lily, you aren't wearing any clothes." His voice echoed in his head, proving to him just how hollow it was.

"Neither are you," she said with a smirk. "There's no need to be embarrassed, Remus. It's just us. We're alone."

"And it's morning and I never returned to the dormitory last night. They're going to know, Lily." He sounded so frantic as he searched for his clothes. He picked up his shirt and immediately noticed the blood and alcohol stains on it. His brow furrowed, trying to remember the night before.

She shrugged and slid from the bed, padding lightly over to a cabinet in the room. "So? What does it matter if they know?" She opened the door and searched out the potion for which she was looking. With a satisfied nod, she picked up the vial and brought it to him. "Take this. It will clear your head."

"What does it matter?!" he nearly screamed, causing the throbbing to increase. "They will kill me, all three of them." His eyes never left her curvaceous body, her long flaming hair falling lightly over her shoulder, accentuating her beauty. With a shaking hand, he took the vial and uncorked it, downing the liquid in one swallow.

She saw the desire in his eyes behind the fear. Reaching up, she caressed his face with her hand. "They will do no such thing," she said in a soft, caring voice. His eyes were beginning to focus and she could see that he was finally able to remember the night before. He trembled beneath her touch, tears appearing in the corners of his eyes.

"My God, Lily," he said quietly, almost afraid. "What have I done?" The tears began to fall and he quickly turned his head away, grabbing her wrist to pull her hand away from his face. He didn't want her to see him cry. He didn't want her to see him weak.

She sighed with exasperation. He was the most stubborn of all the Marauders, that was for certain. "Do you not remember our conversation last night? It wasn't your fault. I seduced you and I know you enjoyed it."

He turned back to face her, his eyes hazy and dark. "Yes, I did. I admit it. I've wanted you for so long. But..." He shook his head, causing his bangs to fall into his eyes.

She reached up and brushed the hair back. "But we're friends. That was what you were going to say, wasn't it? You don't want to ruin our friendship, right? I don't either. I think this has only strengthened our friendship. Wouldn't you agree?"

He looked into her green eyes and had to nod. He felt even closer to her than ever. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. The quilt fell to the floor, pooling at their feet. Lily sighed in contentment as he buried his head in her shoulder. "I love you, Lily," he whispered into her neck, his breath gently caressing her skin.

Her blood froze as he spoke. She fought back the nausea she was beginning to feel rise in her throat. Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes. "Only as a friend," she told him. "We love each other the same way, as a friend. Right?"

Was that the only way he loved her? He remained silent, breathing in her soft scent. The answer to her question was not as easy as he had hoped. He did have feelings for Lily that were far from friendly. But, she wanted them to remain friends. Could he do that?

She sensed the confusion welling in him. Slipping her arms around him, she gently caressed his back. "Remus, you really deserve someone better than me to love. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize our friendship. I respect you too much, but I just wanted to help you feel loved for once." She felt him bury his head deeper. "I don't deserve someone as special as you."

Remus tensed. "So, I'm 'special' now?" He pulled away from her, taking a step back and nearly tripping over the quilt.

She reached out to steady him, seeing the confusion and anger in his eyes. "That's not how I meant it and you know that," she huffed. She grabbed the quilt from the floor and stomped over to the bed. Sitting down, she rubbed her eyes wearily. She was getting too old and too attached for this. 

"What I meant was that you are a very special and loving person, Remus. For years you have helped me get through so much here at school. I don't know what I would have done without you." She looked up to see him still standing in the middle of the floor, stunned by her outbreak. "I cherish our friendship so much and all I wanted to do was give something back to you. I'm sorry that it backfired." She pulled one of the pillows from the bed to her chest and huddled against it.

He was immediately by her side, wrapping her in his arms. "I'm sorry, Lils," he said with a frown. "I didn't realize...." He was so horrible with words. He hated seeing her sad and wanted to do everything he could to bring a smile back to her face.

Lifting her face to look at her, he saw unshed tears clinging to her eyelashes. "I appreciate you so much, Lily. What you've done... _we've_ done... This is something I will carry with me all my life. Just knowing that someone actually cares, someone so sweet and soft..." He trailed off as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

She blinked and a tear slid down her face. He swiped his thumb across her cheek to brush it away. A soft smile came to her lips. He did understand. Leaning forward, she kissed his lips. His hand slid around to the back of her neck, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Soon they needed to breathe and parted.

He leaned his forehead against hers. "I'll never forget you, Lily."

 

Remus' bare feet padded softly up the stairs to the room he shared with his best friends in the Gryffindor Dorm. Quietly he opened the door and closed it behind him. It clicked as the latch slipped back into place. He froze for a moment, listening to see if anyone had awakened. Sighing in relief, he tip-toed towards his bed, sitting his shoes on the floor and sliding them underneath. Pulling back the curtain surrounding his safe haven, he gasped and jumped, nearly falling to the floor. "What the hell are you doing in my bed, Padfoot?" he whispered in anger.

"Waiting for you." Sirius was lying back with his arms under his head. He had turned to look at Remus as his head popped into view. His face was blank, unreadable. 

"And how long have you been here?" Remus was a bit agitated that Sirius was so casually lying in his bed. He began unbuttoning his shirt, nearly ripping the buttons off.

"Well," Sirius started, rolling onto his elbow and propping his head in his hand, "we got back here around two and you weren't here. Peter pulled out the map, but we couldn't find you anywhere."

Remus stopped as he was trying to undo the last button. He'd completely forgotten about the map. The Room of Requirement had never been on the map. They assumed it was unplottable. And from the look in Sirius' eyes, he had already guessed where he had been. He fumbled with the last button and pulled off his shirt. "I was at the shack," he lied. 

Sirius was the wrong person for him to lie to. He always knew when Remus was lying. He sighed and shook his head. "No you weren't. Did you not think I wouldn't notice the broken glass at the secret entrance? You best be glad that James and Peter were nearly carrying each other. They didn't even notice the smell."

Remus sat heavily on the edge of the bed. "It hurt, Sirius, when James hit me. It hurt worse when he stopped. I deserved that beating."

The bed shifted and Sirius sat up beside his friend, wrapping an arm around his bare shoulders. "And yet you still ended up in her arms."

Remus stiffened then slumped forward in defeat. "Please don't tell James."

A smirking grin covered Sirius' face. "Hey, I won't tell on you if you won't tell on me." Remus tilted his head to look at his friend in confusion. "You and Peter aren't the only ones who know Lily tastes like strawberries."

Understanding dawned in Remus' eyes. "And you've stayed friends regardless?" At Sirius' nod, he sighed. "Why does she have to be so damn caring?"

"Because.... She's Lily."


	5. Reality Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James realizes exactly where he went wrong and strives to correct it.

Remus avoided James for a few days, and it seemed James was doing the same. It frustrated Peter and Sirius so much. It forced them to corner the two and make them talk to each other. 

"I'm sorry," James muttered as he glanced towards the door of their dorm room where Peter was standing. Sirius stood by the secret passage, just to make sure neither could escape. "I was pissed and had no reason to hit you like that." He tried to make his words sound sincere, but his mind was firmly on Lily, wondering what she saw in Remus that she didn't see in him.

"I deserved it, James," Remus replied. "All of it." He sighed and folded his hands on his lap as he looked down at them. "I betrayed your trust."

James snorted derisively. "You weren't the only one," he said as he looked at Peter, who shifted uncomfortably.

Sirius sighed at James' low blow. It was unfortunate that he was going to have to intervene, but he was the only one James would actually listen to. "Yes, and you are the only one who hasn't," he stated. "Satisfied?"

James looked up in shock and anger. "What exactly are you saying?" His hands clenched into tight fists, balling the bedcovers within them.

Remus moved away from him slowly as Sirius walked over. Not only was he the only who could talk to James, he was also the only one who could pin him when they would wrestle. But an angry James was much worse. "I'm saying that Rem and Pete aren't the only ones Lily has caught in her web." Inwardly he winced at his words. It had taken over five years before he could understand the redhead. She was just too caring and too trustworthy. So many boys, himself included, could have taken advantage of her many times over.

"You must be joking," James snorted. "Lily is too..."

"Innocent?" he spat out. "She's not as innocent as she seems, though you haven't a leg to stand on. You've never even taken the time to get to know her." Sirius began to pace the room, his anger seeping into his words. James followed his every step with his eyes.

"Remus has been friends with her ever since our first year. Peter has never been afraid of her. You? You run away at the mere sight of red hair."

"I do not," James sputtered in his own defense. "I have never run away from Lily unless there was a reason."

Sirius stopped walking and looked directly at James, his gray eyes looking like a raging storm. "Then how come you have never talked to her? I mean really talk, not just to pick on her or brag about your achievements."

"But..." James tried to interrupt, but Sirius was on a roll.

"Have you ever taken the time to get to know her?" He stalked across the floor.

"But..." James was starting to squirm now.

Sirius stopped in front of him and looked down into his hazel eyes. "Did you know that she has a sister who is jealous that she is a witch? Did you know that she cries every time you pick on her?"

James' face fell. "She... she does?" He suddenly felt so bad. Many times Lily had tried to be friendly with him. Each time he had ignored her, or worse.

"She thinks the world of you, James," Remus said softly from the other end of the bed. "But you always brush her away."

"I..."

Sirius raised his hand. "Stop. Don't say another word. Don't even THINK. Listen. Peter, Remus and I know Lily in our own ways. We've all seen her cry, especially about you. She really respects you, and you seem to respect her, but just don't know how to show her."

James' head fell. Sirius was right. He didn't know how to handle Lily, or any girl for that matter.

"Forgive us, all three of us, and then go talk to Lily. At least be her friend. After all, you two have to work together this year. You've got to learn to understand her and yourself."

Remus nodded, agreeing with Sirius' every word. He knew that Lily actually liked James, but her heart was so big that she loved everyone else as well. Finally, even he was beginning to understand her.

James was quiet, his head lowered as he thought. How was he going to get through this year without actually knowing Lily? How was he going to get by if he didn't forgive his friends? "I... I'm sorry," he said with a deep, cleansing sigh. "I'm sorry that I suddenly didn't trust any of you. I was wrong."

Remus slid back to his side and draped his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Get to know Lily, James. That's all we ask."

James nodded. Sirius heaved a sigh of relief and Peter slid down the door in exhaustion. They were all friends again. Everything was going to be okay.

 

Lily came down the stairs from the dormitory into the common room and looked around for a place to sit. She carried a rather heavy leather-bound book in her arms. The couch in front of the fireplace was full. James and Sirius were horsing around on it. Remus sat in the chair facing towards her. He caught her eye and smiled. She smiled back and noticed Peter was lying on the floor in front of the fire. The large lounge chair near the window was free, so she quickly made her way over. Pulling her legs up under her, she curled into the oversized chair and opened her book. 

Remus leaned towards the couch and whispered, "She's here."

Sirius' head popped up. "Where?" He looked about the room and saw her by the window. "Now's your chance, James. She's alone." He began trying to push his friend from the couch.

James' face flushed. He wasn't quite ready for this. Before he could protest, Remus had moved over and was grasping his arm, pulling him up. Even Peter got into the act by tugging at his legs. Finally, he gave up and stood. "Alright, already. I'm going." He quietly made his way over to the chair in which Lily sat.

He looked over the back of the chair and noticed the book she was reading. A long, slender finger with a red fingernail traced along the page, following every line. A smirk quirked his lips as he began to read aloud. "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rims at it."

Lily's head snapped up and she looked at James in confusion and anger. What right did he have to disturb her reading?

He saw the look on her face and knew he'd done the right thing. He walked around her chair to the one facing her, finishing the line. "Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? Quite chap-fallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come; make her laugh at that."

"You know Hamlet?" Lily looked quite flabbergasted as he flopped down into the chair across from her.

"Does that surprise you?" he retorted with a grin as he settled back in the chair. "Though I much prefer Macbeth. Ah, the Scottish play. 'Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty place from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death'. I've been known to do a little 'double, double toil and trouble' in Potions. Professor Slughorn has never found it funny, though."

Her eyebrow rose as he quoted the line. So, he liked Shakespeare. What else was he going to do or say to surprise her today? Her eyes cut towards the couch where she saw three pairs of eyes peeking over the back towards them. Her eyes narrowed as she wondered just what they were up to. "Perhaps he's never read Macbeth," she said in regards to his last words. "It is a _muggle_ story. I'm just surprised you know of Shakespeare." Her voice suddenly had that normal haughty tone he was used to.

He felt a little nervous under her gaze suddenly. He glanced towards the couch and saw Sirius' eyes encouraging him to go on. "I actually know a lot of things," he said casually. "But I don't want to talk about me. Let's talk about you." He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and looked like he was very interested in everything she was about to say. Despite a slight feeling of uneasiness, Lily shrugged and began having a decent conversation with James.

Sirius, Remus and Peter hi-fived each other from their place on the couch. They were elated from the feeling of accomplishment. They looked back over towards their friends and saw them having a calm, civil conversation. Finally they would never have to cover for James again, they hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, James directly quotes Shakespeare. He's not a dumb as he plays himself to be. One more chapter to be posted tomorrow. I hope all of your questions have been answered. Friends haven't betrayed friends. Friends have been horny teenage boys and do have morals.


	6. Falling Together, Falling Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had forgotten how close minded and hateful the HP fanfic community can be. I'm sorry you can't see how much it's hurting Remus to do this. Please remember that this is set in the late 70's, which was a completely different time than today. But I'm sure you'll be happy to know that with this chapter, I will not post any more of my HP fanfics. Thank you for reminding me how horrible people can be when they don't agree with you.

Remus sat alone at a table in the library working on an essay for Defence class. Normally he would have been in the common room, but it was much too crowded. He needed to finish the essay and get started on the three others that were also due. Shuffling through the books spread out on the table, he noticed a shadow fall over him. Looking up, he saw Lily standing nervously beside him.

"We need to talk, in private," she said softly. It was a demand, not a question.

Lily did not demand often. Something had to be wrong. He quickly stood and started gathering the books. "Let me just put these up," he explained as he scooped them into his arms.

She just stood there, her arms wrapped around her body as if she were cold. Remus had never seen Lily like this in the six years they had known each other. It worried him, so he just shoved the books onto a shelf, hurrying back to her. Picking up the small bag that held his parchment and quills, he smiled. "I'm ready."

Without a word, Lily turned and walked out of the library. Remus watched after her in shock for a moment before running to catch up. They walked along in silence, which gave Remus plenty of time to wonder just what was going on with his friend. Was she pregnant? That thought made his chest tighten. No, it couldn't be that, could it? He was starting to feel very upset when he noticed where they were. That was only because Lily suddenly turned around in the middle of the hall.

Looking up, he noted they were at the Room of Requirement. He stopped walking and let her finish the three passes to make the door appear. She still had not spoken. He opened the door for her and noticed it was as it always was when they came here. The large bed stood near the center of the room. A large window was on the far wall that looked out over a clear, blue lake. Lily moved over to the window and stood looking out, her arms still tightly around her.

He moved over to sit on the foot of the bed. As curious as he was, he couldn't bring himself to speak first. There was obviously something weighing on her mind and she needed a moment before telling him. He sat patiently, his hands folded in his lap, as he watched her with ever growing concern.

After a few moments, she finally broke the silence. "Do you think I'm a whore?"

The question caught him completely off guard. He blinked in confusion. "Excuse me?"

She turned towards him and leaned against the wall, her head bowed. "Do you think I'm a slut, a whore, easy..." Her voice trailed off and he finally understood what was going on.

"Who... who called you that?" he asked as he quickly stood and moved towards her. He took her in his arms, holding her close.

She leaned her head against his chest and sighed deeply. Remus was the one who understood her best, the only one in which she felt confidence in confiding her deepest, darkest secrets. Every secret except this one. "No one," she replied. 

He gently stroked her hair as it fell down her back. "Then why are you asking me that? Something has gotten it into your head to think such things about yourself. Talk to me, Lils."

She smiled to herself. Remus was being exactly what she wanted and needed; someone caring and one who was not going to let her get away with anything. She leaned into him, loving the feeling of his strong, callused hands on her back. It was very relaxing, calming, just like Remus had always been. "I overheard a few people. Slytherins. Being Head Girl gives me a few more privileges than when we were Prefects."

He chuckled, his chest rumbling against her. "I'd bet so," he said. His voice was so deep now. She hardly remembered when it had been youthful, higher pitched. But now, his voice was soothing. 

She raised her head to look into his eyes, or what of them she could see through his shaggy, brown bangs. "But do you think I'm one? I swear to you that it has rarely gone beyond innocent snogging. There have been very few who... who I've..." Her vibrant green eyes searched his, trying to find the words she needed to say.

He moved a hand up to gently stroke her face. "No, you are not a whore, Lily. You are a beautiful young woman who just has a lot of caring in her heart."

Tears began to pour from her eyes and she tried to lower her head, embarrassed for him to see her this way. He placed his hand firmly under her chin and lifted it. She closed her eyes, but knew he was looking directly at her. "I'm sorry," she squeaked in a small voice.

"For what? You've done nothing wrong, Lily." He'd had the last week to think about things. Over that time, he had finally come to a conclusion about Lily Evans. "I'm actually very happy that you chose me. I've never felt better about myself than I do now." His thumb swept across her cheek, gently wiping away the tears. 

She wrenched from his grasp and wiped her sleeve across her face. Moving over to the bed, she sat down heavily on the edge. "Do... do you think James..." She just couldn't bear to think that James might know all that she has done.

He shook his head. "No, James thinks you are wonderful, caring and completely innocent."

"Remus..." Her voice sounded like she was far away. Her eyes gazed at him. He was very thin, as he always was before a full moon. She had never noticed it before; or rather she'd never realized exactly what it was. "What I... we did. You were only the third."

He shook his head as if brushing away her words. "It doesn't matter how many, Lily. Though, I am honored that there are so few. You really should know just how much James, Sirius and Peter think of you. We all love you in our own ways."

She nodded in acceptance of his words. She loved the Marauders, too, in her own way. Even James. But lately, her feelings for James had been changing. He was being so kind and considerate, always helpful, the perfect Head Boy. It was a frightening change, but also exhilarating. "I really know that one day you will find someone who will love you for who you are."

He laughed sarcastically. "I doubt that. I'm a monster and have no rights under the Wizarding Laws."

"I'll have to change that," she replied, very sure of herself.

He looked at her and knew she was serious. If there was any way possible, she would change the laws against his kind. "I thank you, but I still doubt that any woman could love someone like me."

"I love you."

He kissed her forehead lightly. "Not like that, Lily. You know that and have told me countless times. We're friends." His voice was not bitter or sad. He was truthful. It may have hurt a little inside, but he wasn't about to show that to her. He knew deep down that she and James were meant for each other. This conversation had solidified that opinion.

She sighed, knowing he was right. "Yes, as a friend." She stepped back from him, placing her hands on his arms. "But I want you to know that I will always feel that way about you. I will always love you." Before he could speak, she kissed his lips firmly.

His eyes closed and he wanted so much to be able to wrap his arms around her, but she held him steadfast. She finally pulled away and stepped back, letting go of his arms. He inhaled deeply, smelling the lavender scent of her shampoo. It was fading quickly. He opened his eyes and saw her approaching the door. So, this was it. She didn't even turn back as she opened and closed the door, leaving him alone.

He let a soft, sad smile parted his lips. "And I will always love you, Lily Evans."


End file.
